I remember my stomach being content
but my mind was not
My eyes kept darting back and forth
at those candies on a stick
bread on the tray
spread all the way with butter.
I decided to satisfy the hunger
not in my tummy
but in my soul.
I ate and I ate
never finding the balance
I ate and I ate
I wanted to stop
but my hands reached out
as if controlled by desire
and not of need.
But then I reached saturation,
a point where no matter could be ingested anymore
and then flooded the emotions
of guilt, disgust, anger.
I wanted it to stop
I wanted my stomach to stop hurting,
my mind from demanding
and my emotions from torturing.
I walked to the cleansing station
bent over the tool,
I put two fingers in,
my mouth adjusting itself
and then came out-
the whole world,
fighting for air and
I collapsed on the bathroom floor.
It took five minutes to wash my face,
dry my eyes
remove the stench of vomit.
As I walked past my mirror
I stood there and looked at my body
and then I smiled and said to myself-
I am bulimic and I need to love myself.
(Mind is an organ that is controlled by the mind itself. The greatest of the greatest, it governs us and takes over us in ways not understandable to science.
Bulimia nervosa, a form of eating disorder is one of the two types of eating disorders that exists in the world. People suffering from bulimia nervosa often undergo pangs of guilt, depression and extreme obsession of body image. The body is to love not to scar. Love yourself just the way you are because the universe created you with all your flaws so you can love yourself).